Journey of the self

Ever had the feeling of something missing, or a sensation of a space in you can feel but not fill? A space that keeps you at peace, equanimity of emotions and rationalizes right from wrong. The part of you that attempts to erase the running scores of both intentional and unintentional slights, insults or disappointments with dealings both internal and external!

I find this an interesting thing to experience. 

It is not you, but it is something you can feel and communicate with almost like a conscience with a voice. In fact it is a part that can acknowledge and point out your own mistaken hurt that you perceive either the intentional or un-intentional injustice/judgement of another. One that gives you peace until your own ego tries to rake up the old scores in attempt to engulf yourself in self pity. 

There is a constant tug of war within you between this seeker of peace/contentment and your ego which acts like a seeker of self worth. Naturally you want the former to win but it is a tough battle and the gratification that the latter provides is like a powerful intoxicant. 

The awareness is powerful but the journey to conquer it is in itself significant to progress on to the next level of peace and spiritual growth. Doing it in the materialistic, familial modern day setting makes this even more challenging. 

A few things I try to do earnestly: forgive those who know not, try not to support your ego by searching for such insults (even if they were deliberate) and most importantly stop keeping scores to prevent such thoughts from repeating themselves in future. Just move on. 

Keeping the sanctity of that calm space is most important!

The waves of Grief!

It has been a few years since I have lost quite a few loved ones.  While over time I am probably as normal as normal can be - there still remains an under-current that leaves me stumped from time to time.

They say grief comes in waves and yes the tides did seem strong and more rapidly rising at the beginning. With time it seemed to ebb causing me to believe that may be time does heal!

However, grief does strike when you least expect - years after the storm started. It makes you realize perhaps you are not as healed as you would like to believe. 

It is as simple as fighting over a simple (teeny tiny inconsequential random) matter with a long departed still fervently loved one. Then, waking up disgruntled that you fought with that loved one. A bitter sweet realization follows that it was a dream. Finally, a distasteful after taste rises and lingers as you realize that that loved one is long departed - so forget a quarrel you can't even have a conversation with them however much you want.

That is indeed grief - hitting you when you least expected as a busy day awaits you. 

You got to move on you say and then you try - hopefully before the next wave can find you!

Memories of a wonderful lady!

There are few people whom you regard as a second mother. One such amazing lady I was fortunate enough to have known, love and be loved by was my periamma (Visalam) as she was known. She was a sweet soul who didn't let what must have been a tough life dent her spirit and kindness. She made life sweeter for anyone who knew her. 

As an elder sister in a traditional family she was instrumental in fighting for her much younger sister (my mother's) higher education at a time when it wasn't deemed important/necessary. The benefit of that is something my brother and I have seen/enjoyed throughout our childhood. Her rapport with young kids was something that not many people have. She taught us what humanity and empathy meant by both word and deed. She was a feminist in her own way and I remember her very serious advice to a (very young happily working) me not to get married. Her words were to the effect that women with career goals shouldn't get married , that they didn't need a man to run their life and that the traditional Indian marriage was always unfair/detrimental to the woman in the equation. She was truly well ahead of her times and her advice is something that I very seriously considered while weighing the whole picture including the power of companionship. 

We spent many a happy summer vacations at her place. Library books, great yummy food and a lot of rest was all we did and it used to be a relaxing experience. She was known for her tasty tomato rasam that was unparalleled. Her soft mellifluous voice as she addressed kids was something unique that could possibly pacify and comfort any child. There was nothing that her voice, rasam or a few minutes of sleep with one's head resting in her lap couldn't cure. 

After amma's demise she was one of the few precious people I could see her spirit in and now with her being gone life feels incomplete again. However, she lived a long fulfilling life and made a difference for everyone around her. I am truly grateful for having known her and making priceless memories that will give me pleasure forever. She will live on through the memories she leaves behind.  

Picture on the wall

Peace, comfort, love and reassurance is all that I see in your smiles

Now that you have made the journey of a thousand miles

All I have are the fond memories and a picture on the wall

Whenever I remember you I brush it aside so I don't feel bad

Instead I try to remember what you would have said on seeing me sad

To not dwell in the well of self pity and instead accept it

To think of all the blessings

To treasure the child and his antics

To practice patience 

To accept all that is and move on

For shall life shall move on whether you want to or not!

Now you might not like being a picture on the wall

However that way your warm gaze will always fall

Your smile will light up the room and our hearts really tall

All that remains are the material associations and the memories

Of these the memories are the most precious for without them life would be barren.

It's been a year, soon close to two and it's still not easy to move on. Love you loads , even after death does us apart. For you are indeed more than just a picture on the wall.

Ten pet peeves relating to Facebook posts/activities

As an avid Facebooker its very common for me to find posts cluttering the news feed - especially those that shouldn't be on a public forum or are simply irritating. This post is a listing of 10 such activities that I can recollect in the ascending order of most common occurrence (in my opinion). These are more general observations after hours and hours of hopeless time-pass on Facebook by yours truly over the last 4-5 years.

10. Posting 70 school sports day photos of kids who didn't win anything - if you have to post please make it a private album or send the Picasa or similar link to whomsoever is specifically interested or post the winning photo or select photos with some significance.
9. Posting pictures from the latest religious ceremony conducted at home in front of immediate family alone - most recent abuse posting Avani Avittam thread changing pictures. Really next thing will be "aruna kayaru changing ceremony" ! (This point does not cover any function where one invites atleast two people outside the immediate family and the pujari - the golden rule here is if no one is invited to the function the picture does not get on to Facebook).
8. Shaken photos at weird angles - have the same impact as a movie shot on a hand held camera, are frankly of no interest to anyone and can have the unsuspecting observer doubting their eyesight.
7. Logging in to random places depicting mundane or even bizzare events/activities in ones daily life - example returning items at an electronics or any other store / daily posts for working out at the gym / visiting Subway or Walmart. Such enlightenment may be useful to a burglar or your secret admirer/stalker at best so please keep it away from the rest.
6. Posting pictures of any normal household furniture assembly in progress - simply don't want to see or know. Next thing I know the assembly of the bathroom washbasin will be on display!
5. Posting a zillion photos of you, yourself and yourself-est in different angles daily irrespective of whether you consider yourself to be the world's most loved celebrity. Your narcissist tendencies unfortunately don't impress anyone much and infact will only lead to blocking your feed permanently.
4. Posting videos or articles criticizing another religion or promoting conversion to a particular religion. Remember "live & let others live in peace" and also the fact that every religion has its own merits/demerits/followers/converts and the only religion that is superior to other is that of kindness & tolerance.
3.Monthly status/photo update when you/your kid(s)/your neighbour's kid(s) had a new haircut - monthly being the operative word. Please send it to your select list of admirers or your barber/hairstylist alone.
2. Sending invites to zoos, farms and win free iPad/iPhone/blah blah free personal island in Timbuktu - if its too good to be true then it is false - and hence I am not interested. Also, I have enough better things to do in the real world than breed chicken /gorillas and fertilize the fields.
1. Clicking on any link with contains the word embarrassing and has a link enclosed to a supposed video. Firstly it will 99% be a spam and secondly it will multiply with posts from you to me and your other friends' walls mentioning the same thus causing avoidable embarrassment to you that you may never realize and that we have to endure.

Cultures and Communication

If you've ever been to a different place or seen one of those HSBC ads (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JK_NinOmFWw) you know that communication can indeed be a strange yet amusing activity in a different country. Shrugs, long pauses, raised eyebrows and forceful gesticulations ensue - and if they stop there one is indeed fortunate.

I have quite some fond stories that I have either experienced personally or overheard and love sharing. So let me begin at the very beginning:

It all began with a visit to the Starbucks one afternoon as I sought refuge from boredom in the local mall. The payment was made and a casual yet rapidly spelt out question "do you want it to go" in a rapid pace had me puzzled. I was a wee bit bewildered unsure if I the lady at the counter was being rude and asking me to go but then her expression didn't seem unfriendly. So then I made it clear "I would like to get it and then go." A couple more visits followed with similar questions and answers before I finally got the hang of it. Huh! Well I got off a bit better than another fellow Indian who apparently was asked the very same question at the end of a long series of rapidly spelt out questions at a local McDonalds in his first few weeks in the country. He simply replied in a frustrated tone "As you please!" Looks like we need to educate the cashiers with a simple term called "Parcel" - that would make life so much simpler. However till that happens I have resolved to nod (in the correct direction) to the "To go" question and demand the "To go" boxes !

Another lesson came at the local grocery store. with the question "Would you like to bag it?" I was stumped and said no a couple of times. Well the lesson was learnt after to carry two loose nearly frozen milk bottles (without a cover that is) and a whole lot of other grocery at one shot. The lesson cover = bag! That may sound simple but try using "Bag it" instead of the commonly used cover, pai (tamil), pishwi (marathi), thaili(hindi) * and think how covering something and bagging something actually mean different things in the English that we are used to.
(*don't we already have enough words!)

Next come our wonderful names - last name longer than the long first name with a amazing combination of vowels & consonants that even we can't recognize in English at times. Encounter a cashier and you can keep having the same conversation of wow after they see your name. Thankfully thats limited to my last name and my hubby's first & last names. Have heard his last name go from Rangarang to Rangeelasomething to Rangsomething. On his first name people give up before they start ! In fact watching the expression of the cashier or employee trying to read it is in itself an experience. We even heard from a friend the consternation of a Subramaniam addressed publicly as Submarine-ian :P

Then there is the incident of the famous "American diamond". A friend visited a jewellery stone and asked the shopkeeper whether the particular jewellery on display was a real diamond or an American diamond (Indian colloquial reference). Further explanation on how fake diamonds were called "American diamonds" colloquially in India really didn't help assauge matters and a quick exit was deemed best.

Hmmn... I am sure I will be adding more to this list over time. For now however this is where I say Adieu :)

Random thoughts on friends and making friends

A casual evening at the local Chandler Starbucks, and a chance glance at two friends enjoying their coffee and time together had me suddenly missing all my friends. Well, it had always been at the back of the mind and just came to the forefront on noticing them. So this post is dedicated to all my friends back in India and elsewhere whom I so dearly miss. It also marks a blog after a long time and that too at 1.13 in the morning much to the shock (or amusement ?) of a sleepy husband.

Friends, for me, have luckily been people, with whom I can talk anything and everything, without any pretence, at anytime, without feeling distant even after n zillion years of not communicating ... Yet there are others - just acquaintances with whom also I could have gone the same way, had not something unknown to me(us?) changed our paths or views or outlooks so far much that now even a casual facebook or a scrap remains quite formal and often unanswered... On giving a little thought to it, I feel it results from the following reasons in varied combinations: lack of communication, lack of common interest, petering out of mutual interest in each other's progress and welfare, and probably different expectations from each other as friends. Realising this, I have resolved from this moment to atleast eliminate/reduce the first point & third point as far as is possible from my side. The rest I can't fully predict or influence! I began implementing that resolve with immediately calling up a few of my close friends and hesitating to disturb others due to time zone differences. These actions, I hope will result in more sweet memories with my cherished friends circle. Thats with regard to my existing friendships made in Chennai, Pune, and Mumbai.

With regard to new friends, it is indeed difficult to make new friends when your social circle is as limited as mine, given that I am in a new country and that too mostly at home. It leads me to the next realisation that it is indeed difficult to make friends with all those you meet, even if those acquaintances are all that you have. Further, as a couple, the combined dynamics become even more important thus complicating things with joint probability! The dynamics come not only from normal chemistry or wavelength between the friend couples, but also the family stage (dink or sink vs dik or sik). These influence amongst others the topics, the sociable time and how one ends up feeling after repeating such interactions multiple times. Despite all of this there are still friends that one will and does make and those are again people I wish to treasure forever.

I just hope to find more such gems of friends in and around my neighbourhood, since I really miss hanging out with each of you be it at the mall, in the library, at a restaurant, at the movies, by the beach or even at home... I really didn't want this to be a sentimental post and hope it doesn't end up being one, so on a light hearted note - cheers to you and your friends you hold close to you:)

The Dreaded Questions Hall of Fame :)

Its been quite a while since I blogged and here I take the plunge after debating and procrastinating a while on what to write and when to write. What really sparked this blog is hubby dear noticing a certain expression that befalls me every time I hear a certain question these days.....

One always has pet peeves about certain questions. Its nothing personal about the questioner, its just a question you don't want to hear. I have loads of these over the years.

Like when I was a kid I didn't like the questions -
did you brush your teeth? ,
are you iyer or iyengar ? especially when asked by a kid of the opposite side who would then walk off (yup a hot topic among 9 year olds !!! while i wondered & still wonder how it made a difference especially to a 9 year old) ?
what do you want to do when you grow up? (especially when asked by your grandpa's friends when all you care as a primary school kid is the new dress you want for Diwali, or the new serial on tv which you hope you can manage to watch between the tests. I infact ironically sneered at an old uncle's suggestion that I could become a banker like my dad and I dismissed it as a boring treacherous job - childish lack of vision in retrospect :P )

During the teens it was an eager & cheerful - what did you do today? question that I wanted to evade coz the answer was nothing too significant/out of routine and nothing I wanted to talk about :P

After graduation it was the interview questions including amongst others where do you see your self in five years? , why do you think you should be selected for this job ?

During the work life it was getting asked "So how much do you make?" by people whose business it definitely wasn't. I even had the previlege of being asked this by an ex-colleague during the first two minutes of our first interaction ever & that too of all places in the office pantry!!! The best answer I have figured out over the years is "That is for me know and you to guess". This is also useful in places where you are questioned about the cost of something expensive looking that you bought (which you don't want to answer).

Well after tackling them, the social questions of any good news (version1 - marriage)?, when are you getting settled? were the ones that riled me up. After dodging it for a while, and then tying the knot, I thought the most irritating question post marriage would be the any good news (version2 - kids) ?. Am thankful that it hasn't yet happened. However having relocated post my wedding as a dependent spouse who needs sponsorship to work and is figuring out options, I realise the biggest irritant of them all is "What do you do?"

.... Ahem ahem ahem.....

Let me begin at the very beginning :P . This question was first asked repeatedly by some over enthusiastic gym attenders & random acquaintances at the local gym in chennai itself in the months after quitting my job in view of my impending marriage. The first two times I gave a lengthy apologetic explanation and then got truly infuriated at the question being asked and the reaction to my response. I emerged wise after the second time. I decided to shock and awe. So the next time one of the bubblies asked me the question I looked straight in their eye and said "Well I do nothing. Am just at home." This led to a dazed, I can't believe it look. The questioner then typically asked me if I was a student then with a view of rationalizing it. I had no intentions then of studying, so keeping with the shock and awe policy, I looked straight and with a smug smile said no, merely retoriated my status and walked right off to leave her dazed at my "contented" demeanor.

Now that I have relocated again post the wedding to a place where most of my acquaintances and friends are new I do get asked the same question. I haven't yet mastered the right reply just yet. So its more of a "oh oh what do I say now" sort of an expression that shrouds my face as soon as I hear the question. Of course cooking, job applications, preparing for GRE, painting and spending countless afternoons at Barnes and Noble (bookstore) pouring over books & a cuppa coffee are how my time actually gets spent. However since the most respectable of these seems to be GRE preparation that's what I answer. Then comes the next question. What course? Initially when I began studying for GRE I actually didn't have an answer so it was the next irritant. Thankfully I have figured out a possible course for now. However I really really hate this question. Unfortunately since I get asked this during my first interaction with any acquaintance I really can't use shock and awe on them as I hope they would be my friends someday :) So am going by the sane answer for now and trying to think of more witty ones... Let me know if you have any ideas..... and no I can't pretend to be deaf/dumb :P .......

Linguistic Patronage - a thin line between over zealousness and ridiculousness

How does a government promote a regional language?

In various states be it Maharashtra or Karnataka or Tamil Nadu (to name a few) we have seen the government using the following means however controversial or not:

1. Make the language compulsory in school upto x/y/z class as 1st and/or second language
2. Ensure shop boards in local language and no English or Hindi
3. Ensure street names in the local language and no English or Hindi
4. Drive out migrants (blue collar/ while collar ) from other states in the name of promotion of local language and interests
   
5. Intimidate other linguistic communities
6. Reservations in schools and colleges for certain linguistic communities/natives
7. All communication (official) in the particular language and public criticism of use of any other language
   

The Municipal corporation of one of the major south Indian states has gone a step ahead. It has apparently budgeted for 6500 gold rings at the cost of appx Rs 2000 each (Rs 1.30 Crore )* to be presented to babies named in classical tamil in the next year! What an innovative method (sarcasm intended)! Who said corporators lack imagination especially when it comes to spending public money? What is a new born baby going to do with a gold ring I wonder? How will they ensure the name is not changed later? Wouldn't it be better to spend this in a more resourceful way on promotion of literature and education in that language? We really need to think about the people we vote into power !!!

(* Refer : http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/chennai/6500-gold-rings-for-Tamil-babies/articleshow/5114094.cms)

Auto anna - Spare us please!

Four and a half years in Mumbai means getting used to the good autowalas and the card systems all which are as per the rule book 9 out of 10 times. One can hence imagine the torture is to deal with namba Chennai auto annas to strike a deal that would fetch yours truly to any destination in mind.

I thought I had seen it all I found a stubborn Chennai autowala agree with my exasperated outburst that the Chennai city's autodrivers were incorrigible and took the fun out of the city. Well that wasn't the case as I found out on a sunny Sunday afternoon as I hailed a cab for the nearby Satyam theatre with a plan of picking up a friend on the way. Having heard the outrageous demand for Rs 70, I began walking away when he accepted my only and last bid of Rs 50. However within 2 seconds when I was comfortably in the rickshaw calling my friend to hurry down before we reached her place (a good 5 mins away) the autoanna had a change of heart or mind. He began lecturing me on how I should not bargain for Rs 10 -20 when I was going to a theatre and that I should only do so if I were visiting a temple. I was dumb struck, turned off the phone , and rightfully told him that it was the distance and not the purpose of my trip that he should be bothered about. That didn't stop as he went on rambling, and being short in patience and not wanting a further scene or a headache I told him to stop the vehicle if he wasn't happy and that I could walk it down to my friends place. He immediately did so, and out of sheer habit I said thanks (though in an annoyed tone) to him. That led to the most amusing comment I have ever heard. To quote him "Who needs thanks, keep it in your pocket" (translated into english). On reminding him that he was the one who made me come back after I had walked away initially he continued: " Who needs thanks, thanks is against our culture. Where is it in our culture and tradition to say thanks" My jaw literally dropped, and as I recovered I just pointed out all my five fingers at him and asked him to get lost in the most diplomatic manner ( "seridan poya" - meaning ya ya just go away in tamil) and marched off slowly trying to digest the episode....

A few minutes later I regretted not having given him a much stronger reply. Am now determined to come up with a really really sarcastic, hard hitting, yet diplomatic insult to any autodriver who fleeces money or happiness or both !!! Do let me know if you can think of one..
Till then will make do with Seridan poya...

Also a warning please understand the value system of the chennai autowala - you can go to a temple at Rs 10-20 less even if you go at 2.00 pm in the aftenoon when temples are shut, and that its uncouth and uncultured to say thanks .... So may be you can refer to satyam theatre as satyabhama theraiulaga koil, and use nandri (thanks in tamil), vanakkam(a common tamil respectful greeting) (in true news reader style* with a big false smile) especially in circumstance where you have been left 2 streets away from your destination coz its not where your autowala wants to go even at Rs 20 more than what it should actually cost getting there.

(* watch & hear the tone as well for reciting the same at the ending of any news bulletin on the tamil channels to understand more)

My Life @ social networks

My first encounter ever with any social networking site was Orkut or Ooru Kuthu (Tamil meaning City Drama, courtesy my bro). The hype about orkut, about being able to network old long lost buddies etc was a major attraction and led to me finally logging on. Well initially becoming a fan, checking and adding long lost friends, writing & receiving testimonials was good fun.... The about me pages were used as a good subsitute for a personal webpage, creative profile pictures changed (in fact pictures clicked specifically for orkut) and then the million zillion pictures that chronicled each minute of "worldly existence" uploaded or shared, friends added, morons seeking to make friendship ignored, profile visitors subject to a tit-for-tat repeat visit, sometimes this action done and mutually repeated with acquaintances (with no scrap exchange), and ofcourse dime a dozen communities added ...

Now though I think I have grown out of orkut, I still do ensure a daily visit - checking for birthday alerts, updates from friends, apart from the usual scrapping business (in fact I have still retained around 2026 of the scraps that I have received since Feb 2006 - why you may ask? - well hmmn, its useful for nonsensical nostaglia if I ever need it) ....

While Orkut has since taken second rank after Facebook for me, it still has one charm -I can appear passive when I am actually active and quietly scrap select people (till such time they don't reply - and once they do one can just reply and delete the reply that was received - what jugglery & why you may ask - well wait till the acquaintance who is not really a real life friend is a orkut "friend" and chooses to ask the most irritating of questions reminding you why the acquaintance is just an avoidable acquaintance and not a friend).

These days Facebook keeps me more enthralled - be it the quizess, or be it updating pointless status messages just for the heck of it (its like I want to say what I did but I dont want to talk - whats that? - the mood of a woman :P ) .... An advantage of Facebook is that it gives one anonymous access (without notifying them) to friend's profiles or updates or pictures .... This can be useful if plain simply are in the mood to gossip, or are checking out some new holiday places/clothes/ideas for "inspiration". Facebook has its limitations too as with its numerous posts is more public a forum which is a very painful proposition when persons you seek to avoid are on it - my solution don't answer it for a month and then ignore it...... Also you can have more practical problems like - (1) how do you crib about work or say you are open for new work opportunities, if your boss is on the same social networking site, (2) how do you ensure the "When will you die?", or "How well do you know xyz quiz (who was your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend)?", or "Top 10 places to make out?", or "Kameena pan", quizzes are not misconstrued by the oldest/youngest persons on your friends list or by your special someone :P

Besides the usual keeping in touch, social networking sites for me are a good source of entertainment, mindless gibberish at times, some amusement, letting people witness those parts of life that I am comfortable them seeing and creating a sense of being in touch with people and things without being physically/actively present there......

What you see in my profiles in the social networking world is partly me as a person, curious, amused, bored in parts, partly reflections of what I say/do/feel/think - all of it predominantly to see what it evokes in others and at other times as a relief mechansim - just to let it out wishing for no reply/comment/like or dislike .... so see you around till the next tweet, scrap or poke :P

Memories of Mumbai

Its soon going to be time to leave Mumbai which has been my city of work, freedom, place where I lived by myself on my terms in a really cute house, a city that has given me so many close friends, such wonderful experiences of all sorts.....

Am writing this blog with a bit of nostalgia, and a tinge of sadness at having to part ways again with my city of birth even as I begin preparations for a new phase in life. Personal Things/People/Memories I would cherish from my over four years stay in this city (in random order) are:

1. Friends - This city has one brought me closer to a few of my old batchmates from MBA days, a few current and ex-colleagues with whom I have shared a lot of train journeys - (sometimes in the opposite direction to just spend more time yapping)/general cribbings/endless laughter/madness/pleasurable moments exploring the city/concerts/temple visits/countless lunches, dinners and breakfast ( a few restaurants may consider issuing me a frequent eater pass)/seeing mindless and mindful movies/nights out at my place or a friends place. Without these friends life would have been extremely boring if not difficult.
   
2. Professional and customer centric enterprises- By this I don't necessarily mean the typical corporate workplace. Check the local grocery store, the diagnostic centre, the computer service authority, your gas agency - they are typically very professional and customer centric. This is possibly the only city where you can convince them to make exceptions since distances are huge and lives hectic. People here genuinely try to make your life easy if requested in the right way and I simply love their attitude.
   
3. Two amazing people in the form of my ex-land ladies. Both brave-hearts and kind souls, one of a kind indeed, brilliant cooks, interesting company who made my stay with them most memorable and showered me with love/concern that I am truly grateful for. Another amazing person is a family friend of mine who since relocated to Banglore and has been very very affectionate and helpful to me during my Mumbai days :)
   
4. Mumbai Roadside eateries - Be it the Mumbai sandwich (veg toast and the numerous cousins or alu slice sandwich) or Sev Puri or Paani Puri or Pav Bhaaji, Mumbai chat especially the Chat items leaves my mouth watering at the very thought of it. Now any craving for these will be difficult to satisfy :( ....
   
5. Marathi - Bargaining with the grocery seller or vegetable vendor in hindi and understanding/pretending to understand some of the marathi they spoke was an experience indeed. My landlord tried his best until recently to teach me Marathi by purposely speaking in Marathi and explaining words or sentences that I didnt understand. To my small credit I also tried earnestly albiet for a few days to read the learn Marathi in 30 days book but unfortunately day 4 itself hasn't seen light. Expected when one frames hindi sentences with marathi words (using the book) that sound funny at best :)
6. Mumbai rains - Amazing is the word for the Mumbai rains. Am going to miss getting wet in them, or munching a warm toast sandwich in a gentle drizzle, or buying a trademark umbrella each season and trying my best not to loose it. Dodging the puddles, wrongly forecasting the need to carry an umbrella, avoiding splashes of rainwater from passing vehicles are possibly things I would be happy missing
   
7. Local Trains - Miss them ? Definitely yes :) Its an experience indeed - only the local trains can teach you how to get off a running train and run on to the railway overbridge, how to get on to a train that barely stopped, how to find the place next to the door in the direction of the wind, how to enjoy the wind standing at the door of the train (with fm on), how you can count small wins on correctly predicting the person who would be getting down soon and asking for their seat before the person next to you does, and make carrying newspaper along just to cover the wet seats on a rainy day a habit ... Of course you do also end up meeting interesting people on the train sometimes - like the women who feeds dogs from a running train, or the woman who volunteers to help you carry overweight bags in a crowded train and even drops you home since it is on her way - all for nothing in return.
   
8. Significant others- Like some of my favourite doctors (dentist, dermatologist etc), my tailor, Naturals ice cream parlours, my cute little flat, Nirmal Lifestyle where I used to spend half my weekends, Chembur market, Cream corn curd at Noodle bar, Mumbai FM stations, Matunga restaurants and temples, and my office or soon to be ex-office needless to say .....
   

Nostalgia - Rains, Monsoons

The monsoon has just begun in Mumbai and as the gentle drops turn into heavy downpour it stirs memories of the various monsoon seasons gone by.

My earliest encounters with Rain have been in Chennai during the numerous cyclones which brought along torrential downpours, gentle drizzles and puddles of water to float paper boats. Those early encounters also saw quick and easy holidays declared by my school which used to make friends from other schools envious about the fact. Invariably the sun used to come out mockingly on such a holiday :) .. Needless to say as kids we were glad for this welcome break.... Then there were the rains that were saved for the Sports days.. Each year religiously the various classes would go through the march past drill for the Sports day, in the process missing as many as 2 hours of classes and soaking in the hot Chennai sun. All this effort would be of no use as a heavy shower on the day of the Sports day would cause it to be postponed. This did happen for a few consecutive years if my memory serves me remember right.... Rains also meant wondering whether you could wear sandals instead of the canvas shoes or blue skirts instead of whites and then convincing atleast one/two friend to do the same so your teacher couldnt single you out!

The cycle and scooty rides in the rain are also a few memories that I cherish. Ever tasted a fresh drop of water from the skies during drizzle with the tip of your tongue - its a different experience indeed :)

Recent memories have been of stronger rains, flooded roads, gusty winds, and delayed trains in Mumbai. A marvellous experience inspite of any of the negatives. The weather turns pleasant, the greenery contrasting the grey skies and the murky brown sands sooths the eyes, and travel becomes an adventure. One season of Mumbai rains can cure the grumpy in you. True your feet turn messy but nothing that a nice wash can't rinse away.

A few fond memories/lessons/realisations/habits

1. You initially keep twisting in the train to avoid the water seeping from your neighbour's clothes and then it dawns on you that that being drenched your self it doesn't matter anymore
2. Knowing when to duck at the sight of an approaching train in case you are standing near the door during one of the downpours is a very valuable lesson
3. Keeping an extra-set of clothes at work, even a spare umbrella may be
4. Realising that sometimes the rain god also likes to tease you as he showers his might especially when you are wearing something light coloured or have are already juggling with too many things such that carrying an open umbrella seems worthy of an Olympic medal. All this when you head to office or someplace important , and by the time you reach the destination he's given way to a mockingly bright sun making you feel why me ?
5. Fights peak in the trains. Close the window now, switch off the fan, can't you remove your jacket before you sit/stand, Can't you hold your dripping wet umbrella close to your own self ... you name it ... you hear it :)
   
6. Keeping a track of low tides and high tides.
7. Mastering the art of estimating how bad/long the entire train ride would be based on water logging you see at a few stations
8. Lastly getting new fancy looking sturdy umberella's and trying not to lose them :) ...
9. Increase your vocabulary with the latin names of all the sundry things one could contract during the rains :P
   

Rains are truly lovely, yes the dampness can be spoiler with food and clothes, but sparring that its a joy indeed, an adventure and a welcome change encouraging madness and adventures of a different kind :) How to enjoy them - for one get drenched a bit and do all possible madness, and two try cozing up with a good book, warm goodies, and tea/coffee ... bliss indeed :)

Quirky things that make you so unimitably you

There always quirks that define people. Things that aren't necessarily negative but just strange and typical of the person. Have figured out a few about myself over the years:

1. For one the habit of arriving two hours early at the airport, railway station or bus depot when you need to go out of town. I wasn't always like this - learnt it the hardway actually by missing a flight to Chennai and being on the receiving end of a few things, and paying end of an additional flight ticket :)
2. Second carrying loads of things - call it being over prepared or being typical of "women" - its a hard to kill habit. Not complaining since its always been more positive than negative. This trait I guess was mastered during undergraduation, practised sincerely ever since. No wonder Dad calls me "mootaitooki" once in a while. Now I have deliberately downsized my handbag to redeem myself a bit at least :P
   
3. Third carrying anything readable wherever I go - be it a news paper, a book, an article - love reading or the thought of reading :) .. Not at all a bad habit as long as you don't leave a sweater or an umbrella behind while faithfully clutching the newspaper all around town .
   
4. Creating excel sheets/word documents/ppts. Name an obscure purpose and I can guarantee you I would have excel-ed/ word-ed /ppt-ed it :) ... Its a passion that probably started with powerpoint - well hmmn.. ya .. made a powerpoint presentation to my parents as to why I should be allowed to drive my bike to college while in undergraduation. (On the sidelines if your curious as to whether it helped- not really in terms of riding the bike, but definitely monetarily as a recognition of my ppt skills !)

Thats all I can recollect right now :) Even a passing memory of these brings in a little amusement on a boring day for me :) Quirkiness is fun :) ....

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Why dread Dr Deeee ?

If there's anything in the world I am most paranoid about apart from the usual suspects (cockroaches/lizards /snakes) it has to be ,ahem, a dentist (Dr Deeee as I call them) :P ..

A rare general visit to the dentist for tips on oral hygiene resulted in the revelation of some childhood enemies - budding cavities ... I thought I was done with cavities and the dentists after years of torture during my childhood. Well definitely so if you like yours truly have had cavities since kindergarden and your milk teeth were so strongly rooted and loyal they refused to fall off without human or rather inhuman intervention. Over the years had perfected the phobia for dentists and screamed my lungs out to empty their clinics as they merely approached me with the least intrusive of ammunition from their artillery of sharp pointed instruments. Well it was time to conquer the phobia... It did help that the dentist was really an angel and has been patient with the fillings till now so much so went for back to back sessions every evening on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and also got a very cooperative patient compliment... He he.. my old dentist must be scratching his head in disbelief.. :) .. Well how did I conquer it : For one thought of a friend who had a root canal done and said that must have been worse, second - stared at the tubelight over head, third - thought of the most amusing things one could ever at a dentist's chair (without upsetting the dentist at work) and last considered it a game :) .....

It also does help if your dentist is a kind hearted angel who resembles one of your favourite cousins :) ... Still am hoping against hopes that I dont need to repeat this ever or long enough :)

However there is one poem by Ogden Nash on dentists that I love from the school days :) ... Its so true :) Quoting it here for your amusement (have mentioned in italics the lines I love the most):

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.

And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopan.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,

But the one that is both is dental.

It is hard to be self possessed

With your jaw digging into your chest, so hard to retain calm

When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm,

So hard to give your usual cheerful effect of benignity

When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on

And it is cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve on your head that aren't being irked on.

Oh some people are unfortunate to be worked on by thumbs,

And others have things done to their gums,

And your teeth are supposed to being polished

But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And the circumstances that adds to your terror

Is that it's all done with a mirror,

Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,

But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you do when try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa

And then at last he says, That will be all, but it isn't because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof

With something I suspect is generally used to put shine a horse's hoof,

And you totter to your feet and think, Well it's over now and after all it was only this once,

And he says come back in three monce.

And this O Fate, is I think the most vicious that thou ever sentest,

That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition

When the chief reason he wants his teeth to be in good condition is so that he won't have to go the dentist.

Reality or Reelity

My recent laptop crisis had me switch loyalties to television for a short while. This as well as the wee hours of the day 0.00 hrs to 1.00 hrs had me do prolonged channel surfing. Have realised that Reality shows have possibly become the saas bahu soap equivalent for the Indian youth and may be even families. Be it MTM with Roadies, Splitsvilla, [V] with its Launch pad, the Hindi channels with their dance shows, singing shows, or even the regional channels with their own versions of the same, and even I think some tam channel that had one for selecting CSK cheerleaders!
Most reality shows fall into the buckets of Makeovers, Celebrity based formats, Adventure based Games based, Talent Hunts, Job Hunts, and Dating shows. Normally do not watch any of these on a consistent basis. Hate dance shows, and can just about tolerate the rest or enjoy a rare episode once i a blue moon. Managed to catch the ones on MTV over the last two weekends over not so sleepy saturday nights and realised some truths about the ones on MTV atleast:

1. Reality shows are about bitching big time
2. They are about showing the politics, and emphasize the dark side, & scheming nature/dumbness of the participants
3. Its about good looking people being lunatic and immature at best and calling others the same while proclaiming how blunt/straight/truthful they really are
   
4. Tears, tempers and bad words flow easily
   
5. Cameras are just placed at the oportune time & place to capture it all
   
6. The women on the programme are potrayed as helpless, dumb or wicked

Have been wondering why people would participate in these shows and came up with these:

1. nothing better to do
2. good chance to become a vj/anchor or a celebrity or a model
   
3. goodies from the show sponsors
   
4. can be themselves or at least pretend to childish, loud, rash and immature for maximum impact and get paid for it if they win
5. different lifestyle for sometime
6. wear good clothes and be chic on tv..
   

So why watch it ? hmmmn.. its better than the saas bahu soaps for sure - atleast better costumes and looks :P.. its mindless, the foul words could come handy & ya it makes a good conversation piece as a college kid possibly...

For me seeing the programmes is about mindless diversion & an ego a boost - well my life seems less purposeless than theirs :P ... Atleast I am thinking about mine , they are way off from even realising it possibly.. :P

Anyways resolved for now to ensure no consistent watching - its way too mad for digestion :P. Gonna limit it to getting over saturday late-night's boredom till I find a better way...

Pigeons ! the bird family strikes again ...

Well if crows weren't enough in their public display of lack of affection here come their cousins the pigeons! (refer my earlier post on crows) I have woken up to the fact that the pigeons have taken up all but one window sil of my humble abode. A couple sleeps on the grill above the clothes line (in one window) every night and hop around with their friends during the day on the same grill. Between them they spread their droppings on the grills, window panes and my freshly washed clothes if left out for drying for more than one day! Another couple like upsetting the freshly wash bottles and plates kept for drying on the other window sil, leaving their mark on them and then sleeping there. The queen among all of these is the one who sleeps in a plastic bag on the third window along with an egg possibly (considering the fact that she does it for the entire day) despite my thuds on the glass panes and menacing looks! Currently regret not having removed the bag from the window at the first sight of droppings on it ! So am now reduced to shooing both the couples whenever possible and giving non-violent menacing frosty nosed stares at the plastic cover homed pigeon apart from praying that they find greener pastuers soon.

Cases and charters -simulated real life learning....

Sometimes even the best of B-School case studies do not make as much good sense as your own experience while dealing with utility/service companies. Your real life experiences at times not only bring across examples where as an aggrieved customer you are quite good at identifying the flaws in the process that even the best of minds havent addressed in their company. Have had plenty such instances where a strong reminder of my rights as a consumer along with some logical arguments and threats of a few escalations helps resolve matters.

Be it one of the major Gujarati owned telecom company who provides internet connections, or the local gas agency or even a laptop service centre, all of them do like to take the customer for granted. In the first case it was a company who not only failed to send their first time customer their bills on time, but also ended up deactivating connections for the unpaid bill which was not even received by the customer. The shocked customers had to stream in for resolution to the centre before 8pm to get any resolution done and yes remember to tell the centre to specifically reactivate their account. Tele-help oh well forget it - in this company they would not be able to check your details of specific plans and hence may either be of no help or incorrectly tell you there is no issue. Things just get better, if you wish to disconnect your net you need to visit their single customer care centre before 7 pm on a week day and get it cancelled personally. Also they take 28 days to effect your cancellation so be assured you will be billed for an additional month. While I have successfully protested on the first issue relating to first time customers at their Thane centre and suitably impressed the manager there who promptly got my issue resolved, tackling the others needs more effort as the feedback given to their customer service staff has fallen on deaf ears. Makes you wonder whether the guys who manage the company went to the right school or were born sadists?

The second case is that of a H.P. Gas agency in Mumbai who decided to make a package deal along with the gas company to provide a lighter, a fire extinguisher, a gas stove, an apron, a kg of tea powder as mandatory purchases along with the new gas connection. Well needless to say all these meant a whopping expenditure of six thousand which left me baffled. Escalation to the sales head of the region for the agency through its immediate owner, and a reading of my personal charter of consumer rights soon followed. Also put in some convincing arguments - that there was no way I was going to drink tea (being a hard core coffee freak), or cook in an apron (you kidding me, an apron for making maggi and coffee? ) and that the building had a fire extinguisher & thus my limited cooking would never be a serious danger to me or my building. All these got me somewhere my out go reduced to 4000 from 6000 rupees. A side effect: was gloating over my logical reasoning and negotiation skills for sometime :P - small pleasures...
The gas agency got it again when I went in for my first time refill booking - they made the cardinal sin of not recording my booking, not giving my number, assuring me of delivery in 2 days, not making it in time, and telling me it was my fault when I called them a bit miffed on the third day morning.... So it was time to sing sing my charter of consumer rights again and then they relented and gave me the gas within the same day. .

The last time was with my laptop service centre. A long argument on their not being able to meet the commited deadline and a threat to complain to the main company who had recognized them as an authorised centre lead to me getting a spare/stand by laptop from which I am posting this blog......

Real life case studies are definitely more interesting, appealing and rewarding than those straight jacket B-school ones. Be vocal about your rights and logical in your arguments for best results.

Doctor, Doctor -nostalgia about the clinic

Some of the possibly most amusing moments in one's life happen at the most uncommon of places like a doctor's clinic. Reliving nostalgia in this post by listing amongst the most memorable ones I have had so far:

1. The visits to the dentist's clinic are possibly amongst the most memorable for me personally. It probably has to do with having literally most of my milk teeth forcibly uprooted over a 8 year period including high school. These sessions resulted in my screaming my lungs out at the dentist as he picked up his artillery and effectively reducing the patient count outside in return for the mostly imagined pain he inflicted. The positive point of all tooth extractions was the ice cream that followed :)
2. Also ever heard of a patient who decided to carry a flask of filter coffee everytime she visited the dentist (for barely an hour) and offered the same to the bemused dentist who then titled her kaapi maami? Well that was my grandmother.
3. The family doctor was another favourite. The countless times in school when yours truly was down with fever could be classified in two ways (i) which saw me being hopeful and very sincerely enquiring with a heavy heart whether I could go to school (while fervently praying for the opposite with normal diet) (ii) which saw me plead that I was ok and be allowed to go for an excursion, or school trip... In both cases a pleading sad mournful face did get better results :P
4. The long wait at the clinic when I would count the mosaic tiles, check the patterns and hop across the alternating tiles used to be quite boring despite these tactics. Other favourite activities to pass time were to observe and decide whether all the others were more sick than you or not, and then to guess whose token number would come before yours.
5. Can never forget the instance where my mother decided to inform the doctor of my habit of self medication in case of cold/fever and my resultant subconscious expression which included my trademark raising of my eyebrows warning him non-verbally even before he expressed his disapproval.
6. There were these detailed explanations I used to give the doctor of how precisely I felt when my throat was choked during cold and his bemused reaction as he possibly concluded that hypochondriacs come is small age groups also. While the reactions made me doubt my analysis, my explanations did finally have some effect since he once specifically asked me whether I experienced one of the points I mentioned. Needless to say the patient in me was jumping with joy at being vindicated.
7. My present doctor in Mumbai who adviced my mother to frame her haemoglobin report since the count was perfect also deserves a special mention.
8. Last but not the least my dermatologist who told me without any provacation not to google a specific ailment and work myself up about it since that was very common in educated youth and would do no benefit to the patient. Made me realise that dermatologists also psychologically analyse people while providing solutions and how being tuned with developments in other domains can be used effecitively in one's line.